San Francisco, I Love You

Last night, I went to City Arts & Lectures at the Herbst Theatre to hear Maira Kalman and Daniel Handler (Lemony Snicket) talk about their latest book.

I learned that Maira Kalman's living room is full of ladders. Because she loves them.

The girl sitting next to me was wearing lamb ears, and occasionally amusing herself by looking backwards through binoculars at her own hands.

At Q&A time, she asked Daniel Handler whether he thought there was an age at which is was no longer appropriate to go trick-or-treating.

He responded, "This is not from personal experience. I would say that if someone asks you if you're the parent of one of the other children, and you aren't, then you're too old. However, I can't overstate the enjoyment of telling everyone else to go out and have fun, while you stay at home alone with a bowl of candy."

Lautrec in the Lower Haight

Duboce Triangle, 8:30 a.m.

Two young men sprawled on a stone entrance stairway: cruddy black jeans, wallet chains, black waffle stompers. One's in a gray hoodie, the other in a wifebeater and a neon-green furry pimp hat.

They're engaged in a conversation so animated that all four of their hands are deployed, reminding me more than a little of this guy.

Now where the hell was La Goulue?

B&D Wedding

2nd near Harrison. A burly, bearded guy, who resembles Kevin Smith, talking into a cell phone.

"... and after the marriage vows, I want her to SPIT in my FACE."

(to be followed, presumably, by a cake fight.)

Market St. 8 am

Seen on the sidewalk at Market and 2nd.

My guess is that three used-car salesman tried to look in the trunk of J. Frank Parnell's Chevy Malibu.

Casualties du Jour

Clearwater, FL: "[the bicyclist] failed to yield to a GMC van..."

Farmingdale, NY: "a 14-year-old... was fatally struck by a car Sunday..."

Orange County, CA: "Bicyclist only moderately hurt in crash"

Flagstaff, AZ: "bicyclist has been killed ... after a collision with a city dump truck."

Chillicothe, OH: "...killed Sunday afternoon as he rode his bicycle on U.S. 23"

Saugerties, NY: "A 16-year-old bicyclist remained hospitalized Monday after being struck by a patrol car..."

In the interest of fair and balanced reporting:

Boston, MA: "An 84-year-old ... who was hit by a bicyclist Friday afternoon died later that night..."

Since I am of course in NO WAY fair OR balanced, I feel I should point out that the bicyclist stayed at the scene of the accident, at least tried to help, and was not charged.

The Right Way

On Caltrain, conductor's voice over the intercom:

"Please keep cell phone use to a minimum, and speak quietly into your phone when in use. On the behalf of your fellow passengers, we ask you to be considerate, and exercise discretion. Thank you."

No, no, no. Here's how to do it:

"On behalf of all the scam artists and personality thieves on the train, we'd like to ask you to speak loudly and clearly into your cell phone at all times, especially when discussing information of a personal or private nature. Thank you!"

That should work.

Parenthood

Overheard while waiting for a light at 9th & Judah. A mother and her toddler son, I'd guess about two years old, were holding hands and waiting to cross the street.

BOY: "Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy."

MOTHER (annoyed): "WHAT?!!"

(pause)

BOY: "I love you."

If that doesn't just sum it up perfectly, then nothing does.