A Modest Proposal

A friend of mine was explaining to me last night about Portland's honor-based fare-collection system on its public transportation. "They have very few fare collectors, but they're very nice, polite... and very LARGE. They ask you nicely for your pass, and if you won't show it, three or four very large people come and nicely escort you off the train."

This gave me an idea. We have fare collectors in SF, too, and some of them are in fact quite large, and armed. The fines for fare evasion are steep: upwards of $100. Of course, most people don't pay them, since it's just like a traffic ticket, except without a vehicle they can boot.

I have a better system: public shaming, with clowns.

That's right: CLOWNS.


If you don't have a valid ticket, the fare collector sends in the clowns (or clown, or mime), who then PUBLICLY MOCKS you on the train to the other passengers. "Hey, THIS GUY here is riding free! That means ALL OF YOU paid for his ride! Let's give the freeloader a big hand, everybody!" (honks nose)

There are all kinds of benefits: free entertainment on MUNI, employment opportunities for clowns (because underemployed clowns generally turn to prostitution, and that's just disturbing.)

I'd bet fare collections would go through the roof. Nobody likes a public shaming. This is something we abandoned with the stocks, back in Puritan days, and I think it was a grievous mistake.

If the city is afraid of losing revenue from fines, well, they can collect it on the spot: "$100 cash, right now, or I send in the CLOWNS, pal."

I think this is a fabulous idea, and I plan to write to my supervisor, Bevan Dufty, right now to promote it.

If you agree, and you're an SF resident, please do the same!

Back In The Saddle Again

After a six-month hiatus spent mostly hating on the MUNI, I stopped procrastinating, dusted off the bike, and rode in to work this morning. Things are different. So different, I just have to say:

SF, I love you!

The new bike lanes are perfect, the Market St. closure means HUGE numbers of bikers are out, sharing the road with only a few buses, trains, taxis, and the very occasional truck.

It's so crowded, in fact, I had to bust out my best peloton manners, elbow-to-elbow with other riders in the middle of a mob, weaving around parked buses, right-turn lanes, and train tracks. I did see one rider go down after hooking his front tire in a track -- I hate it when I do that.

It's a gorgeous day, and I'm really looking forward to the ride home! MWAH!